Friends,

I received this info, and I thought I should share this posting for you guys. Ven. Dhammika is
currently the spiritual advisor of Buddha Dhamma Mandala Society at Balestier.
(www.bdms.org.sg)

Daryl

-----Original Message-----
Ven. Dhammika posted an interesting post today:
http://sdhammika.blogspot.com/2008/05/gay-tragedy.html
A Gay Tragedy
Occasionally someone, usually a young man but sometimes a young women or an
older man or women, will approach me and after a few minuets of hesitation or
beating around the bush, ask me what the Buddhist position on homosexuality is.
When they do I tell then that intentional actions (kamma) modify consciousness
and that our kamma conditions our future. Positive intentional acts have
positive effects (vipaka) and negative intentional acts have a negative effect.
Sexual acts motivated by the usual intentions, feelings and emotions which exist
between two people who love each other, would have a positive effect and would
not infringe the third Precept, whether they be homosexual or heterosexual. I
underline this point by saying that Buddhist ethics about sex are primarily
concerned with the motives behind out sexual behavior, rather than the gender
of our partner. This being so, if two people of the same gender express their
love for each other physically there is no good reason why the kamma this
creates should be any different from when two people of the opposite gender do
the same. Having said this I then try to change the subject, not because I am
embarrassed talking about homosexuality, but because I do not like the
‘single issue’ approach to Dhamma. However, a few years ago I had an
encounter which made me realize that inquiries about homosexuality, whether
from gays themselves or their families, should be given my whole attention.
However theoretical or marginal this issue may be to me it is likely to be of
considerable import to the people who ask such questions.
A young man named Julian rung me asking if he could come and talk to me about
Buddhism. I said he could and on the appointed day and time he came. Julian
turned out to be about 20 old, of slight build and with pleasant features. He
was well groomed and neatly dressed. He started by asking me a few questions
about some aspects of Buddhism but I sensed that these were not really what he
was interested in. Finally the question came, “Venerable, can a gay person be
a good Buddhist?” I gave my usual reply but it soon became clear that this did
not please him. He kept interjecting and expressing doubts about what I said. I
answered all his objections but he remained unconvinced. Arriving at a deadlock
and not knowing what more I could say I asked him if he was gay. He blushed,
cleared his throat and said that he was. Then he told me his story. Since his
early teens he noticed that he was attracted to other boys and had a particular
interest in woman’s clothes. Horrified by these feelings he kept them well
under control. A year ago while doing his national service he had met another
soldier who was gay and since that time they had been having a relationship,
although a guilt-filled and fugitive one. Once or twice a month they would pool
their recourses and book a hotel for the night. He would dress in woman’s
clothes, put on makeup and they would spend the night together. For Julian at
least, this would be followed by days of self-loathing and resolutions never to
do it again. After he had finished telling me this he hung his head and said,
“This must be wrong.” “Well,” I said, “some people would find it a
bit strange. But from a Buddhist perspective I really can’t see that it is
particularly harmful. Satisfying sexual urges is a perfectly natural thing to
do and it is acceptable where it does not involve adultery or harming others.
The conflict you create within yourself by hating what are completely harmless
feelings hurts you much more than being gay ever could. There is no reason why
you can’t practice the Precepts – respecting the life, the prosperity and
the sexual feelings of others, their right to know the truth and keeping your
mind free from intoxicants – while being gay.” He was silent but I could
see that I had not been able to still his doubts. Julian visited me two more
time over the next two month and our conversations were about the Dhamma in
general although we also went over the same territory concerning homosexuality
with very much the same results.
Then, after not having seen or heard from Julian for nearly six month I got a
call from him. He told me that a famous Taiwanese monk was in town giving a
series of talks and that he had managed to get a few minuets with him. He had
asked the monk the same question he had asked me and the monk had told him that
homosexuality was a filthy, evil thing and that homosexuals get reborn in the
lowest hell where they are boiled in excrement for eons. Julian said this with
in an almost triumphant tone, seemingly glad that he had proved me wrong or
that he had found someone who agreed with him. I asked him what else this
venerable monk had said. “Nothing,” he replied. “He was going somewhere
and only had a few minuets to talk.”
How often has this happened to me? I have told an inquirer something about
Buddhism which I know to be sound, sensible and in accordance with the
Tipitaka, they go to another monk who tells them the exact opposite and then
they come back to me asking me to explain the anomaly. Then I am stuck with the
problem of either saying that the other monk doesn’t know what he is talking
about (which is often the case) and appearing to be an arrogant upstart, or
biting my lip, saying nothing and letting the person go away with yet another
half-baked notion or superstition thinking that it is Dhamma. How often? Very
often! In most cases this is just frustrating. In this case it had tragic
consequences.
“Look Julian” I said, “You asked me what Buddhism would say about
homosexuality and I told you based on my 20 years of studying the Buddhist
scriptures and thinking about various issues in the light of the Buddha’s
Dhamma. I don’t know what else I can say.” I told him that if he wanted to
talk with me at any time he was welcome to do so and then we hung up.
Four days later I was browsing through the paper and a small article tucked
away on the eighth page caught my eye. The heading read ‘Man’s Body Found
in Park.’ I scanned the article briefly and was about to turn to something
else when the name Julian sprung out at me. In an instant my attention was
riveted. I read the part where this name appeared and sure enough it was about
the Julian who had come to see me. I returned to the top of the article and
read it all the way through. Four days earlier, perhaps only a few hours after
ringing me, Julian had gone to a park in the centre of Singapore late at night,
taken an overdose of sleeping tablets and been found dead the next morning. A
suicide note had been found in his pocket but the article did mention what it
said. I was overwhelmed by sorrow. The thought of him lying there utterly
alone, hating himself and in such despair that he would kill himself almost
made me cry. But soon anger was welling up through the sadness and diluting it
until it had completely replaced the sadness. I pictured the Taiwanese monk
blithely dispensing his ignorant and ultimately toxic opinion before rushing
off to give a sermon about compassion or receive the accolade of the crowd. I
became so angry that I resolved to write him a letter and tell him what he had
been responsible for. Then I thought it would probably be a waste of time. He
probably wouldn’t even remember talking to Julian.
It seems to me that most thoughtful people would agree that sex without love is
a pretty unattractive thing. Physically, it is little more than ‘exchanging
fluids’ as the AIDS awareness literature so delicately puts it. What lifts
sex above the fluids exchange level is the motives and emotions behind it –
affection, tenderness, the desire to give and receive, the bonds of
companionship, fun even. This fits well into the Buddha’s famous statement,
“I say that intention is kamma.” Is sticking a knife into someone a
positive or a negative action? It depends! If the knife was held by an enraged
violent person it would probably be negative. If it is held by a surgeon
performing an operation to save someone’s life it would certainly be
positive. From the Buddhist perspective, sexual behavior is not judged
primarily by the gender of the people involved, by the dictates of a code of
behavior drawn up in the Bronze Age or by whether a legal document has been
signed, but by its psychological components. Homosexuals are as capable of
wanting and of feeling love and affection towards their partners as
heterosexuals are and where such states are present homosexual sex is as
acceptable as heterosexual sex.
This is a simple and logical truth and it is in accordance with Buddhist
teachings but circumstances were such that I was unable to help Julian see it.
All his experience had told him that being attracted to people of the same
gender is wrong. Those around him had always expressed disapproval towards
homosexuality and sniggered at gays. The law (in Singapore) told him that
homosexuality is so heinous that it must be punished by 10 years imprisonment,
more than for manslaughter. He knew that religious teachers, Christian, Muslim
and even some Buddhists, consider it so evil that it will have dreadful
consequences in the life hereafter. All this denigration and ignorance
prevented him from hearing the gentle, reasonable and kindly words of the
Buddha. It caused him inestimable suffering and finally drove him to suicide.
I am reminded of Julian because three weeks ago I represented Buddhism in a
seminar on religion and homosexuality at Catholic Junior Collage (Boy!
Haven’t Catholic collages changed!). Of the 800 students in the audience I
assumed that a certain number would probably be homosexual and may be
struggling to understand their feelings. Knowing that what I said may well have
something to do with them growing up either happy and well-adjusted or tortured
and self-loathing, I did took great care to explain the Buddhist position on
homosexuality.